"Listening for Metaphors" by Mary Jane Hooper, MS, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Rubenfeld Synergist

"Listening for Metaphors" by Mary Jane Hooper, MS

When a client says she "feels split" or is "up against the wall" or "needs better boundaries," I often invite her to explore the image further, to see where it takes her. I'll ask, "What is it like to feel split?" or, "What does it feel like, up against the wall?" or, "Where in your body are you aware of a lack of boundaries?"

The images or figures of speech that prompt me to ask questions like these come from my clients as they lie on the table during a Rubenfeld Synergy® session. Answering these questions requires my clients to go beyond their habitual ways of thinking and use their creative imaginations. Very often, as they explore an image to gain a deeper understanding of its metaphoric meaning, they are surprised by how precisely the metaphor captures their feelings and beliefs about themselves. Let me give you three examples from my practice.

During a session with Lee, a school counselor, I placed my hands under her left shoulder and asked her to send a message to that shoulder or wait for an image from it. Lee said the image that came to her was a window; she was looking through a window at a group of people standing outside.

Not knowing what significance the window might have for Lee, I asked her, "Is the window open or closed?"

"It's closed," she answered. After a long pause she continued, "I feel guilty that I keep it closed."

As we continued to explore her image of the window, Lee discovered that she closed the window to set boundaries for herself. As a child she had felt responsible for her mother's happiness, and as a mother herself she now felt responsible for her children's happiness. Jessica, one of Lee's daughters, was blaming Lee for her own failed relationships with men. In response to these pressures, Lee would "shut the window." Lee realized that she would like to find a way to protect herself without shutting people out.

Another client, a young woman named Kathy, told me at the beginning of her first session that she felt her spirit was dying, that there was no passion in her life. She said she was exhausted from what felt to her like constant fighting. I could have asked her to say more about her dying spirit, her lack of passion, or her exhaustion. Any one of these might have led to a productive metaphor. But I was drawn to the energy with which she spoke about constant fighting and asked a question that would bring attention to her body.

"What part of your body is doing the fighting?" I asked.

"My right side."

Later, when I placed my hand on her right hip, Kathy said she saw the image of an old Indian. "He looks defeated...He's my warrior."

Where does your warrior reside in your body?" I continued.

"In my heart."

We began a dialogue with her warrior. Giving him a voice, Kathy said, "I'm tired, I'm tired of fighting." She went on to describe some of the troubles she had experienced during the last few years. Then, after a long pause, she suddenly breathed a sigh and exclaimed, "I set a bird free...the bird is my spirit." I did not need to know by which path Kathy got from warrior to her bird/spirit. The images and their metaphoric meaning were always hers, to use as she chose.

At the start of a session with Beth, a gifted artist, I slowly walked around her as she lay on the table and asked her what she was aware of in her body. She said that her left side felt free and her right side felt heavy. She described images of steel doors and stone walls and said she felt as if she were plowing her way throught life and having to go through brick walls. Although she wanted to move forward in her life, she was in pain over the deteriorating health of her mother and the death of her child. She said she felt that all that kept her from falling apart were these walls - her body.

Images like these, with conflicting metaphoric meanings - walls as barriers, walls as safety - are often quite rich. Body metaphors don't have to make sense to be useful. With one hand under Beth's right hip joint and one hand underneath her right knee, I began to trace the energy down her right leg and out the foot. As I did so she said it felt as if the walls were crumbling. Continuing our dialogue, Beth realized that the walls were not holding her life together; to the contrary, they were keeping her locked in fear from her painful past.

Exploring clients' metaphors does more than simply help them discover subtle emotional and behavioral patterns of which they have been unaware. As Lee, Kathy and Beth got in touch with the meaning of their respective metaphors, they began to use the metaphors to explore alternatives - to transform their images into tools for creating positive change in their lives.

In subsequent sessions and in her life, Lee learned to open and close her window more freely. In the past she had felt guilty when saying no to her mother or her children. She could not make the voice of guilt go away entirely, but she could block it out by using the same image of closing the window. She had already used this metaphor to help her set clearer boundaries with her mother and daughter. Now she used it more consciously and in a slightly different way. She told Jessica that she was no longer willing to be blamed for Jessica's problems; Jessica had to take responsibility for herself. At the same time, Lee increased her own ability to make choices and to take better care of herself.

As Kathy explored the metaphor of her warrior, his role began to change. He no longer felt burdened by what he was carrying, but instead felt uplifted by it. Kathy developed a vibrant, positive image of her warrior as her true liberator. After several sessions she told me that she was experiencing renewed energy - a passion and sense of freedom in her life that was greater than she could remember having since she was a child.

After Beth began to talk about and to re-experience some of her past traumas, she saw a new image - a vortex. She saw the vortex as a tunnel or path through which she could release some of the fear and pain. As Beth began to use this new image her body began to relax, and as it did she was able to feel spaciousness and lightness where before she had felt walled in. After using the image of the vortex during sessions to practice "dissolving" steel doors and "tunneling through" brick walls, Beth began to use her vortex image outside of sessions, to make choices and to move forward in her life.

These are just a few examples of how the language of metaphor can lead clients to awareness and meaningful change. Exploring metaphors that "embody" their reality gives them opportunities to exercise their imaginations and open doors to new ways of looking at situations. Then, within the therapeutic environment, clients' experiences of self, others, and life can be more readily transformed.

Excerpt from the book, Healing Journeys: The Power of Rubenfeld Synergy, a collection of 40 stories of successes achieved through the Rubenfeld Synergy mind-body approach. Edited by Vicki Mechner.